I was, but-- I was only brought in after they'd made their decisions for the week. They explained what they were doing and why, and offered me the choice to turn away.
[obviously, she did not. He ended up needing me there.]
After I'd agreed, I found out who they intended to kill. I was covering for them where I could, but Ichiro and I never knew the extent of what was actually going on, yesterday.
...I can understand why they wouldn't have told us. Obviously I'm aware that sharing certain information can be-- difficult at best, here, and that it was something that needed to happen, but.
[her thoughts are a bit messy, there, nothing entirely coming across.]
I guess it's... a little hypocritical of me to be angry, frankly.
[she's withheld information from others before, tried to steer things the way they needed to go. hurt people, in the end, by doing it.]
Honestly, if we'd had the chance to meet again-- I'd have suggested you.
[a few moments of silence, there, sort of organizing her thoughts.]
I can forgive what they felt they needed to do. I already have, more or less-- we were trying to help them and keep those two alive, despite their best efforts otherwise. But we'd have accepted it, if they simply said there were answers they couldn't give; as it was, we ended up trying to steer things in the wrong direction instead of being able to help with what they were really trying to do.
I would have been a good choice, but I'm not sure it would have been allowed; I was one of the people the Honors Society had picked to tell about their group. But I understand that - that they didn't trust you enough.
...no. All that we knew going into trial was that they killed Sagihara, and a few details about that incident. Denji was never part of the discussion, before or after-- they avoided us when asked what happened with him.
So the plan, at least on our end, was to focus on Manwol's case and try to find who'd killed her, while obscuring evidence for Sagihara's. We were aware others were avoiding catching Luxanna, at the least, but we didn't want to let it reach a point where either of them was so obvious it couldn't be avoided, especially if we couldn't find the other culprit.
They didn't, no. He always wanted to use them for Manwol-- I didn't want to push too hard to support that in case it was too obvious, but with multiple people telling him to use them for Sagihara, I think he felt he had to lie to justify not doing so.
...that's why it was a little difficult to reconcile. If they didn't trust us, fine, but...
[logically, reasonably-- one person's suffering for one night doesn't outweigh saving additional lives. she likely would have done something very similar. but it's hard not to have an emotional reaction to it after the time she's spent trying to hold him together.]
I don't think it was easy for them, or necessarily intentional. It's just that so much could have been avoided.
[He's quiet for a long minute, drumming his hands against his leg, trying to think what he's going to say.]
Ichiro is very young, and more innocent than he thinks he is. He is hurting very badly, and if what he needs right now is to be hurt at Dimitri and Luxanna, then I understand that. But. . . it is also painful for me to see, when I know Luxanna has been suffering so badly for weeks and weeks now. I haven't been able to do anything to help her all this time. [. . .] She hides it well, but she is young, too. She tries so hard to be strong for everyone, but being the source of everyone's anger all this time has taken its toll on her.
A little kindness towards her, even if she was thoughtless. . . she has been doing this since Rupert died. That long.
I know. I can't fault the decision-- the results were just...
[a pause, a slow sigh.]
I don't know how much I'm really going to be able to do for her, when she and Dimitri were so intent on taking everything upon themselves. We insisted on taking some of that burden ourselves if this had continued for another week, on being the ones to handle it, and they both refused to even have the conversation.
Maybe not. [He smiles a little at that, rueful. She is so stubborn. She runs from everyone.]
Anyway, I do not claim she has done nothing wrong. Only that I want to see her find a way to put this behind her and be the woman she was supposed to be, ja? It is a bit painful, when we spent so long early on discussing her ideals. I think she will be someone very good, if she does not remain mired in all of her self-doubts.
[And he takes this a little personally, too. The man I was supposed to be was lost a long time ago, but it is not too late for her.]
You were there, so perhaps there are ways you can help her I cannot. That's all I ask.
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[obviously, she did not. He ended up needing me there.]
After I'd agreed, I found out who they intended to kill. I was covering for them where I could, but Ichiro and I never knew the extent of what was actually going on, yesterday.
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[her thoughts are a bit messy, there, nothing entirely coming across.]
I guess it's... a little hypocritical of me to be angry, frankly.
[she's withheld information from others before, tried to steer things the way they needed to go. hurt people, in the end, by doing it.]
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[He frowns a little, fiddling with his hands.]
I would have done anything to be able to be there to help her. So it is a little hard to understand.
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[a few moments of silence, there, sort of organizing her thoughts.]
I can forgive what they felt they needed to do. I already have, more or less-- we were trying to help them and keep those two alive, despite their best efforts otherwise. But we'd have accepted it, if they simply said there were answers they couldn't give; as it was, we ended up trying to steer things in the wrong direction instead of being able to help with what they were really trying to do.
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. . . Did you know about Maya?
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So the plan, at least on our end, was to focus on Manwol's case and try to find who'd killed her, while obscuring evidence for Sagihara's. We were aware others were avoiding catching Luxanna, at the least, but we didn't want to let it reach a point where either of them was so obvious it couldn't be avoided, especially if we couldn't find the other culprit.
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Did they ask Ichiro to lie about what he saw in the goggles?
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[logically, reasonably-- one person's suffering for one night doesn't outweigh saving additional lives. she likely would have done something very similar. but it's hard not to have an emotional reaction to it after the time she's spent trying to hold him together.]
I don't think it was easy for them, or necessarily intentional. It's just that so much could have been avoided.
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[He's quiet for a long minute, drumming his hands against his leg, trying to think what he's going to say.]
Ichiro is very young, and more innocent than he thinks he is. He is hurting very badly, and if what he needs right now is to be hurt at Dimitri and Luxanna, then I understand that. But. . . it is also painful for me to see, when I know Luxanna has been suffering so badly for weeks and weeks now. I haven't been able to do anything to help her all this time. [. . .] She hides it well, but she is young, too. She tries so hard to be strong for everyone, but being the source of everyone's anger all this time has taken its toll on her.
A little kindness towards her, even if she was thoughtless. . . she has been doing this since Rupert died. That long.
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[a pause, a slow sigh.]
I don't know how much I'm really going to be able to do for her, when she and Dimitri were so intent on taking everything upon themselves. We insisted on taking some of that burden ourselves if this had continued for another week, on being the ones to handle it, and they both refused to even have the conversation.
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Not that I'm not willing to try, I just don't know if either of them is going to hear me out.
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Anyway, I do not claim she has done nothing wrong. Only that I want to see her find a way to put this behind her and be the woman she was supposed to be, ja? It is a bit painful, when we spent so long early on discussing her ideals. I think she will be someone very good, if she does not remain mired in all of her self-doubts.
[And he takes this a little personally, too. The man I was supposed to be was lost a long time ago, but it is not too late for her.]
You were there, so perhaps there are ways you can help her I cannot. That's all I ask.
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[lux sure does run though... it might take some doing, but she can try.
that thought of his gives her pause, though, and after a moment of quiet:]
You've done some good here too, I hope you know.