[she nods, but there's another slight pause before she writes.]
If there's anything specific you want to know, I can start there, but I don't know if I have all the details right now.
[also i keep fucking forgetting to mention it but. there's a jar with a whole wood arm in it on her desk now too and it has definitely been there the whole time.]
I think you have more of a right to want to know. It isn't that I don't want you here, either.
[a longer pause, the pen tapping against the page-- a little anxiously, maybe. once again she feels kind of uncertain, unsure of something.]
I just can't exactly remember how I got where I ended up, in the end. I know what happened just before I woke up, I know we were separated and I remember what happened right after that, but the details just aren't there. A lot of details aren't, at the moment.
Maybe. This doesn't feel quite like anything they described.
[the uncertainty is a little stronger! but she's moving on.]
The eyes started happening fairly early on. We were in a large study, with stained glass windows, and occasionally if we touched anything in there, one would just... appear. But we were able to find a few useful items there, at least.
It happened again in the next room, when we were attacked by
I assume they were people we knew. The others all seemed to. I think I did know her, at the time.
[the bad vibes intensify again, but this time it's an odd, almost confused sort of grief? like she's feeling it with no real idea why that is.]
[I'm going to cheat a little bit because I'm phone tagging: these are what she describes, and does a pretty good job of detailing it, rapidly noting them down.
then she looks (and feels) a little surprised about that? kind of hums like 'huh, okay' at it. apparently she does have a pretty good memory for detail when it's not erased, that's probably useful.]
[She doesn't need to describe it for long before he's nodding in understanding.]
Ja, they represent the nine schools of magic. [. . .] This is my tower. Uhm. . . a variation on Mordenkainen's Magnificent Mansion of my own devising, if you're familiar with the spell. The windows based on Mollymauk's coat are in the library, but it's all part of the same spell.
[The worry intensifies, but there's the thrum of something steady and calm behind it, like he's good at preventing his emotions from running wild in situations like this.]
I think what you are experiencing will be temporary. If it isn't, there are things we can do about it, but for now, it may be best to wait it out.
I think it comes and goes. I talked to Ichiro earlier and I'm sure I remembered everything for part of that conversation, but now I have no idea.
[thanks, she hates it.]
But I do. I know who all of you are. I don't exactly know why I have the opinions I do about anyone, but I have those impressions, sort of, I remember things you've all said and done before. My end of it is just... absent.
To be honest with you I'm working mostly off of what feels right at the time and I couldn't tell you how well it's working, but it's an improvement on how it felt before we came back.
[it just. felt important, somehow, to try to go on with things. to be as okay as possible given the absolute what the fuckery of this situation instead of losing her mind about it. it's a little hard.]
Your name is Lucretia. You are a powerful magic user. You are very intelligent and resourceful. You are the director of the Bureau of Balance, an organization that seeks to locate dangerous artifacts that will do harm in the world to keep them from doing harm. You once gave up years of your life to obtain one of these artifacts. You are. . . a person who is willing to make difficult decisions if it is for a good cause. You care deeply for your friends and companions. Four of those companions are named Taako, Magnus, Merle, and Lup.
[He considers something for a moment - that wooden arm. Would he have seen it in the Wonderland memory he got?]
[she's writing, as he speaks. noting this down for when she doesn't know it later, with an occasional nod at the facts he lays out. there's a somewhat troubled feeling when he mentions giving up years of her life, that willingness to make difficult decisions-- she thought she had some idea of how old she was but evidently even that was off? god.
he would have seen the arm in that memory though, yes!
she doesn't add anything for a few moments after setting the pen down, but she does continue.]
I still can't remember any of it, even with the reminder, but I'll make a note to myself to read this the next time this happens. At least then I'll have some idea, so... thank you.
[another pause, another sort of feeling of uncertainty. she knows who people are, but parts are still missing; she feels like she does trust he'd tell the truth about the things he said, but she wonders about something else, after.]
I'm not very familiar with the person I normally am, right now, but I want to ask you something else. What do you think of me?
[she's considering one or two of those facts, again. a thing or two she skimmed over in her own notes that she doesn't remember ever writing. she only has those words to know what kind of person she actually is.]
[Hmm. A little awkwardness here, as he's asked to answer something very personal, and he's not exactly good at doing so. But he also understands the question, so he will try to answer in his own Caleb way.]
. . . You are quite important to a number of people here. You are the type of person people can trust and rely upon in a crisis. You have a great amount of intelligence and capability, and as best I can tell you use that for good. You have made mistakes, but they have been made out of love, and you have worked to correct them.
[the initial awkwardness gets an apologetic sort of feeling, but she doesn't take the question back-- and it does feel like it's somewhat reassuring, to hear. if that's who she is... okay, well, she doesn't feel like the most reliable individual in the world right now when there's so much she just can't remember, but it still helps to hear.
after a few moments of silence:]
I might not have the full context, right now, but-- I do know enough to feel as if I think highly of you, as well.
[the sense of it is there, even if she can't remember things like why she felt like there'd be some understanding, here, she had no idea they were Both wizards until like a minute ago.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
If there's anything specific you want to know, I can start there, but I don't know if I have all the details right now.
[also i keep fucking forgetting to mention it but. there's a jar with a whole wood arm in it on her desk now too and it has definitely been there the whole time.]
no subject
. . . I'm sorry, I don't want to pester you with questions when you're recovering.
no subject
No, you don't need to apologize, it's
I think you have more of a right to want to know. It isn't that I don't want you here, either.
[a longer pause, the pen tapping against the page-- a little anxiously, maybe. once again she feels kind of uncertain, unsure of something.]
I just can't exactly remember how I got where I ended up, in the end. I know what happened just before I woke up, I know we were separated and I remember what happened right after that, but the details just aren't there. A lot of details aren't, at the moment.
no subject
[He's frowning, reading the words she's writing carefully.]
Perhaps you could just tell me what you remember? Or anything about Lucien, or the eyes?
no subject
[the uncertainty is a little stronger! but she's moving on.]
The eyes started happening fairly early on. We were in a large study, with stained glass windows, and occasionally if we touched anything in there, one would just... appear. But we were able to find a few useful items there, at least.
It happened again in the next room, when we were attacked by
I assume they were people we knew. The others all seemed to. I think I did know her, at the time.
[the bad vibes intensify again, but this time it's an odd, almost confused sort of grief? like she's feeling it with no real idea why that is.]
no subject
. . . You may recall in time. The stained glass windows - what did they look like? Mollymauk's coat, perhaps?
no subject
then she looks (and feels) a little surprised about that? kind of hums like 'huh, okay' at it. apparently she does have a pretty good memory for detail when it's not erased, that's probably useful.]
no subject
[She doesn't need to describe it for long before he's nodding in understanding.]
Ja, they represent the nine schools of magic. [. . .] This is my tower. Uhm. . . a variation on Mordenkainen's Magnificent Mansion of my own devising, if you're familiar with the spell. The windows based on Mollymauk's coat are in the library, but it's all part of the same spell.
no subject
No? I'm not sure why I would be familiar with that.
no subject
[More worry.]
no subject
she taps the pen against the page, anxious, agitated, then with a flash of frustration she just scrawls down:]
Caleb, here is a list of things I know about myself right now.
Apparently I do magic. I have a pretty good memory when it isn't completely fucking gone. I assume my name is Lucretia since you've called me that.
[
she sets the pen down.]
no subject
[The worry intensifies, but there's the thrum of something steady and calm behind it, like he's good at preventing his emotions from running wild in situations like this.]
I think what you are experiencing will be temporary. If it isn't, there are things we can do about it, but for now, it may be best to wait it out.
You know my name?
no subject
[thanks, she hates it.]
But I do. I know who all of you are. I don't exactly know why I have the opinions I do about anyone, but I have those impressions, sort of, I remember things you've all said and done before. My end of it is just... absent.
To be honest with you I'm working mostly off of what feels right at the time and I couldn't tell you how well it's working, but it's an improvement on how it felt before we came back.
[it just. felt important, somehow, to try to go on with things. to be as okay as possible given the absolute what the fuckery of this situation instead of losing her mind about it. it's a little hard.]
no subject
no subject
If you'd tell me, then I'd like to know.
no subject
[He smiles a little, trying to reassure.]
Your name is Lucretia. You are a powerful magic user. You are very intelligent and resourceful. You are the director of the Bureau of Balance, an organization that seeks to locate dangerous artifacts that will do harm in the world to keep them from doing harm. You once gave up years of your life to obtain one of these artifacts. You are. . . a person who is willing to make difficult decisions if it is for a good cause. You care deeply for your friends and companions. Four of those companions are named Taako, Magnus, Merle, and Lup.
[He considers something for a moment - that wooden arm. Would he have seen it in the Wonderland memory he got?]
no subject
he would have seen the arm in that memory though, yes!
she doesn't add anything for a few moments after setting the pen down, but she does continue.]
I still can't remember any of it, even with the reminder, but I'll make a note to myself to read this the next time this happens. At least then I'll have some idea, so... thank you.
[another pause, another sort of feeling of uncertainty. she knows who people are, but parts are still missing; she feels like she does trust he'd tell the truth about the things he said, but she wonders about something else, after.]
I'm not very familiar with the person I normally am, right now, but I want to ask you something else. What do you think of me?
[she's considering one or two of those facts, again. a thing or two she skimmed over in her own notes that she doesn't remember ever writing. she only has those words to know what kind of person she actually is.]
no subject
. . . You are quite important to a number of people here. You are the type of person people can trust and rely upon in a crisis. You have a great amount of intelligence and capability, and as best I can tell you use that for good. You have made mistakes, but they have been made out of love, and you have worked to correct them.
So I think highly of you, I suppose.
no subject
after a few moments of silence:]
I might not have the full context, right now, but-- I do know enough to feel as if I think highly of you, as well.
[the sense of it is there, even if she can't remember things like why she felt like there'd be some understanding, here, she had no idea they were Both wizards until like a minute ago.]
no subject
Thank you, Lucretia. I'm glad to hear it.
no subject
Of course.
I'm sorry, I know this must be... strange to deal with.
no subject
[Yes, her forgetting is strange, but he's dealt with it before. Nothing to do but make it easier how he can.]