katzepaw | Yamato

I know.

[He meant it sympathetically - if they can only tell that few people, the odds of finding someone else. . . ]

May I ask you something? The footprints from last week, that were alongside Byleth. Do you have any understanding of the cause of that?

[ ... ]

Don't... tell Beau. But there's more than one reason we made her wait to tell you. We had to check. Whether those footsteps were you or Luxanna. That's also why I didn't want her to...

[ if byleth's partner had been caleb, there's no way yamato could've let beau try it, but he was strong armed ]

[A small laugh, fairly relieved. And a little fond, too.]

Good. You were right to check. And. . . I apologize for calling you stubborn. You are right; I wouldn't want her involved with that.

[But some worry comes back, then.]

And you have also cleared Taichi, it appears? So they must be Luxanna's.

[ there's a small quirk of his lips ]

I'm a little stubborn. [ but the smile doesn't last as he sighs a little, something almost heartbroken there ] We checked Lux. The way she was acting, and the things she was saying last weekend... it made her the most obvious possibility. [ ... ] She didn't exactly make it too subtle this weekend, either.

But she came back positive on both an additional activity and a kill.

[That breaks his heart a little bit, too. It makes him feel a little sick to his stomach.]

. . . This fucking place. She doesn't deserve to have her ideals twisted this way.

I was fairly certain anyway - I wasn't paying close enough attention in the wake of everything with Caiman, but even I noticed she was angry and suffering.

Mm. That's why ... Rita blinded her, to try and stop her from acting again. I don't know if she went out like that anyway. She might have.

[ every time he thinks about it yamato feels a sick mix of guilt and anger, so that's great. ]

It was a clever idea.

[And it is sort of unfair that Rita took the blame for it. But also. . . ]

I suppose there is no way to tell her we know without telling her how Taichi, you, and myself were eliminated as suspects. But I hate to think of her continuing on alone.

From anyone else, it'd be a guess. And Luxanna... Lux isn't the kind to share a burden if she thinks she can smile and lie her way through it.

[ sometimes you are very close to someone and it's tragic, actually. ]

I don't know. I think she wanted to get caught, instead of Yanagiya-san.

I already told her that - hmm. I couched it, I pretended I had had the same conversation with you and Taichi. But I told her that I was worried.

[Still, he can't disagree with the assessment. That's probably why he likes Luxanna so much. She's a miserable, lying regret wizard pretending to be a paladin.]

I think she was honestly angry at Alphinaud, at being blinded. Given her history, having to hide these secrets and being treated with anger and suspicion for it is probably very difficult for her. But once others began to get angry with her, she changed her mind, started trying to protect Otome.

... Yeah. It was probably both. [ because he's right, she was probably being petty for real. yamato confronted her for a reason. still. ] I don't know what to do anymore.

[ killing byleth made sense at the time, but with the new information... and it's not like he'd ever wanted to go through with any of them. so lux? otome? he doesn't know. ]

[There's some conflict in him, too. He is sympathetic to both of them. He would feel less sympathetic if they killed someone he cared for too much to lose.]

. . . Let me say this. And don't - Beauregard would dislike me saying this, although she could confirm its accuracy easily enough. [He hesitates, and there's some uncertainty, but then his feelings abruptly go fairly blank, straightforward.] If someone unfortunate needs to be killed, I am probably the right person to carry it out. It doesn't weigh on me the way it does on most people. It isn't something I enjoy or am proud of, but it is the truth.

[What a cool thing to say! Anyway.]

But my personal opinion is that killing the people in that group won't do us any good.

[ yamato's ... clearly uncomfortable, although whether it's the subject or how easily caleb shut his feelings off is hard to say. ]

So what? We just... let them keep doing it?

[ it's not like he wants them dead, but it feels a lot like trading lives. he's been lucky that they haven't targeted someone he wouldn't have been able to stand, and he's not willing to risk that again. ]

[It's probably fine!]

If I had some guarantee it would help matters rather than increase the body count, I'd feel otherwise.

[But no, it's not a great solution.]

If there's something they're accomplishing through this that this world wants to happen, we need to understand what it is. Otherwise, we risk killing them only to have them replaced.

... So what? We leave them to have to keep killing and send them off to expulsion, in the hopes we figure it out?

[ he says that angrily, but there's just a kind of despair in his feelings because he kind of agrees and he hates it? he hates agreeing! he hates either option actually!!! ]

There are no good solutions here.

[Feelings are back, remember feelings? He feels an echo of some of that despair and heartbreak, but he also feels a little sad for him.]

There will be more death and pain for as long as this continues on. There's no answer that has us putting an end to it neatly.

[ ive had feelings my whole life, asshole - yamato ishida, regretting feelings ]

I know that. [ it's snapped, and he holds onto himself for a second ] ... I know that. But if there's a way to minimize the losses, at least...

[He isn't bothered by being snapped at, it's okay.]

That's exactly what we must do. Minimize the losses wherever we can.

... Are we? If we do this.

If we kill them, do you mean? I don't know. We are adding another body to the week, but whether we are subtracting some as well, I couldn't say.

If we don't, too. I don't know. If they can add someone to their numbers, I think it can't be more than one a week. But...

No easy answers. We'll just have to reach a decision. And if we decide to kill them, let me do it, or let Beauregard do it.

[ reflexive! denial!!! in the feelings!! ]

... I don't want to put you guys in danger, either.

I understand.

[He's quiet for a moment, his feelings a little nervous, uncomfortable, because he doesn't know how to put it.]

But it's not about danger for me, not exactly. I'm pretty confident in our ability to carry it off. But. . . you know, fighting against someone who is attacking you, putting you in danger, fighting back. . . that's a very different thing than hunting someone down with a friendly face and executing them.

It ruins you a little, doing something like this. And I dislike seeing young people who are smart and talented have their futures stolen away from them in this way, the way mine was. So that is something important to me.

[ yamato's mostly feeling unsure and concerned, hit with that information about caleb's backstory, but what really gives him pause is when caleb talks about the future and he looks away with a frown for a while.

their future, huh. ]

... I don't know if having it be a placed hit is any better. [ he'll point it out, quiet, but: ] But... alright. If it comes down to that again, I'll ask.

[ it's reluctant and uncertain still, but he doesn't seem to be lying. ]

It's not good, no. But we are all making compromises.

[He nods, relieved. He thinks Yamato is capable enough, but hunting down someone like Byleth or Otome, let alone Luxanna. . . ]

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ghoststrums - 2021-07-12 14:20 (UTC) - Expand