[it's midway through the decorating, and byleth is leaning over caleb's shoulder as he does his part, when the memory hits like a bag of bricks.
she sways slightly, the information all coming at once, and reaches out, laying a hand on caleb's shoulder to steady herself, just for a memory of her own to swap in place.]
[The memory he showed her is a little distressing, and he’s trying to form the words to try to explain himself, but then he sees her memory. He sees something that happens in her memory.]
You did you do that. [His voice is hoarse.] You went. . . you went back. You can do this?
[He’s watching her, a little obviously on edge. There’s something in his behavior, in his posture, like an addict trying to pretend it doesn’t matter to him one way or another if you want to give him a hit.]
How far can you go back? Does it. . . it can change things?
[true or not, she says it anyway. it's in his eyes. the hunger, the desire—it's exactly what kept her mum in the first place. either no one would believe her—or worse, they would.]
[He can sense her withdrawing and he feels a little sick, ashamed. But he also thinks of the way she was when she saw her father as a hostage, and maybe she. . . ]
[The memory she saw, of him in a hotel room spilling his story to Nott and Beauregard, was only a little less than a year ago, but it feels so much longer. He was still dirty, dressed like a homeless person, but more obvious is how manic he was, how paranoid and untrusting, the obvious evidence of insanity. . . he doesn’t recognize that anymore.
He thinks of the ending, telling Nott excitedly he had a few ideas to “make up for it,” and feels a little ill.]
Time travel in my world. . . It is theoretically possible. A few wizards have attempted it, but always. . . ended in disaster. Too high a cost, too complicated, any change to the timeline even worse.
But I always had this idea that maybe I could. . . I had this plan, where I could pull it off. Go back and save my mother and father.
Crazy, completely crazy. A madman’s tinkering. But. . . I don’t know. If you could do it without changing anything, then couldn’t it. . .?
her face loses some of the tension, softening into something more sympathetic—more sorrowful. her voice is gentle, but still quiet, when it comes out.]
You saw what happened.
I couldn't change... fate.
[she spits the last word out, and even within her quiet tone, there's a twisting knife of despair.]
[He trails off a little. Because he doesn’t know if he agrees that it isn’t possible, but at this point, at the least.]
Well, I’d thought. . . if I could make it appear nothing had changed, use illusions and spirit them away to another continent, maybe it wouldn’t. . .
[He swallows, shakes his head.] But. Understand, I know this is crazy. Even if it’s possible the risk is too great, I won’t - I wouldn’t risk everything my friends and I have done. It’s only a sort of. . . daydream I can’t shake.
[she nods once, because... of course it is. she still thinks about it herself. unwinding things to that moment again and again. she knows how she could do it, now. how things could be better, how she could be better. quicker. faster. smarter. it isn't like the temptation isn't present, but...]
I understand.
[...]
But... if you could do it, right now.
Would you undo every good thing between now and then?
[He folds his arms across his chest, leans forward with a deep sigh.]
If I did it right. If I did everything exactly right. . . it might not undo anything. But even the smallest mistake or miscalculation, and. . . together, my friends and I have done some incredible things. We have helped one another, we have brought families back together. We have even ended a war. And. . . I value my friends very much. Even if the risk that I would hurt them or jeopardize what we've achieved is small, I. . . I don't think I can take it.
But if I'm not undoing it then. . . that means I have to live with what I've done forever. Live with their blood on me for the rest of my life. And I don't know if I. . . can stomach that idea.
I have a little magic that lets me. . . rewind the clock a bit. Mainly useful in a fight. Only seconds, and only once.
[So he gets that. But the bigger implications. . . there's a reason he became a little obsessive about theoretical physics when exposed to it.]
But it's good you can use this gift of yours in such a responsible way, even knowing. . . [Her father. She tried once, but. If you went back a little further. . . could fate really stand in your way?]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
she sways slightly, the information all coming at once, and reaches out, laying a hand on caleb's shoulder to steady herself, just for a memory of her own to swap in place.]
no subject
You did you do that. [His voice is hoarse.] You went. . . you went back. You can do this?
no subject
...Yes.
no subject
[He’s watching her, a little obviously on edge. There’s something in his behavior, in his posture, like an addict trying to pretend it doesn’t matter to him one way or another if you want to give him a hit.]
How far can you go back? Does it. . . it can change things?
no subject
It has limits.
[true or not, she says it anyway. it's in his eyes. the hunger, the desire—it's exactly what kept her mum in the first place. either no one would believe her—or worse, they would.]
no subject
[He can sense her withdrawing and he feels a little sick, ashamed. But he also thinks of the way she was when she saw her father as a hostage, and maybe she. . . ]
Can I tell you something?
no subject
no subject
He thinks of the ending, telling Nott excitedly he had a few ideas to “make up for it,” and feels a little ill.]
Time travel in my world. . . It is theoretically possible. A few wizards have attempted it, but always. . . ended in disaster. Too high a cost, too complicated, any change to the timeline even worse.
But I always had this idea that maybe I could. . . I had this plan, where I could pull it off. Go back and save my mother and father.
Crazy, completely crazy. A madman’s tinkering. But. . . I don’t know. If you could do it without changing anything, then couldn’t it. . .?
no subject
her face loses some of the tension, softening into something more sympathetic—more sorrowful. her voice is gentle, but still quiet, when it comes out.]
You saw what happened.
I couldn't change... fate.
[she spits the last word out, and even within her quiet tone, there's a twisting knife of despair.]
no subject
[He trails off a little. Because he doesn’t know if he agrees that it isn’t possible, but at this point, at the least.]
Well, I’d thought. . . if I could make it appear nothing had changed, use illusions and spirit them away to another continent, maybe it wouldn’t. . .
[He swallows, shakes his head.] But. Understand, I know this is crazy. Even if it’s possible the risk is too great, I won’t - I wouldn’t risk everything my friends and I have done. It’s only a sort of. . . daydream I can’t shake.
no subject
I understand.
[...]
But... if you could do it, right now.
Would you undo every good thing between now and then?
no subject
[He folds his arms across his chest, leans forward with a deep sigh.]
If I did it right. If I did everything exactly right. . . it might not undo anything. But even the smallest mistake or miscalculation, and. . . together, my friends and I have done some incredible things. We have helped one another, we have brought families back together. We have even ended a war. And. . . I value my friends very much. Even if the risk that I would hurt them or jeopardize what we've achieved is small, I. . . I don't think I can take it.
But if I'm not undoing it then. . . that means I have to live with what I've done forever. Live with their blood on me for the rest of my life. And I don't know if I. . . can stomach that idea.
no subject
That's how I feel.
I mostly use my ability on the field of battle. Thinking about it elsewhere...
[shaking her head. too much can change. too much probability, in the words of the theoretical physics class.]
no subject
[So he gets that. But the bigger implications. . . there's a reason he became a little obsessive about theoretical physics when exposed to it.]
But it's good you can use this gift of yours in such a responsible way, even knowing. . . [Her father. She tried once, but. If you went back a little further. . . could fate really stand in your way?]
no subject
I still think about it.
But I think... she'd be mad.
no subject
no subject
[...]
She was... boisterous. And had strong opinions.
So I think about her when I use it. What she would say.